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| Ugh! I am so pissed!
Yesterday my external hard drive was FINE! Hunky-dory!
Today it shits on me!
I had all of my Music History stuff on it, a document with all the quiz questions (the teacher uses the ones straight off the worksheets she gives us, so I type them up and save them.) Another document with all the terms from each chapter and their definitions, another one with all the info about the listening for Music History. Notes for my paper, my outline for my paper, my paper.
There is some good news, I have a print out of my outline and when my external hard drive decided to shit in my face I had my paper and some of my notes already open.
But shit things just keep pissing in my cheerios. Like the fact that I am a horrible conductor and I am going to have to take every test at least twice.
The conducting thing has put me in a super bad mood too. I practiced my ass off for this test so that I wouldn't have to take it twice and I still sucked and have to take it again.
Bleh. This is why a person shouldn't stay in college for six consecutive years!!!!
I think I'm gonna go punch the crap out of the human sized whale in my sisters bedroom. | | |
| So I've been all unhappy and stuff, mom is convinced I'm doing something right and that I am where I should be so Satan is attacking me.
Moving on, I have decided to listen to a crap ton of Hanson. It always makes me feel better. ALWAYS.
So be prepared for a lot of Hanson quotes, like the title of this post is from Strong Enough To Break. I have for some unknown reason decided to start the Hanson-ing of my life at Underneath, which is their third studio album and was released the year I graduated high school. Who knows where I will go from here.
Also, I completely forgot my roommate was in the room and let out a HUGE fart! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
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| I am using anger to avoid falling into a depression, cause it's like right there...But let's not talk about that.
So my previous post mentioned my horrible teacher, Keeler. She likes to play favorites, and for some unknown reason, I am her favorite in music history. She keeps dropping hints about how I shouldn't associate with the others in the class because they will "bring me down" and other crap like that.
We all just took the first test in the course and we all got somewhere in the 70's. Another girl, Allison, and I were literally off by .5%! At yet my prof is telling me these things.
If I hadn't studied with them the night before I would have failed!
I can't stand to look at this woman or hear her speak. It makes me want to destroy things. \
ARGH!
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| 1. Boys Town and my Patient Records.
When I was a sophomore in high school, they gave me a tetanus shot, when I went back my junior year, they were all upset because it had been OVER ten years since my last tetanus shot! And I was like "wait a minute, I had one last year!" They assured me I had not, but I'm not crazy! Those things are memorable. Anyway they argued me into the ground and said "It's better to be safe than sorry!" So I got another one.
Then going into college a year and a half later I went back to get a menigitis shot and they flipped shit cause it had be like 12 years since my last tetanus shot! I was like, oh fuck no! You gave me one last year AND the year before! So I convinced them that they had in fact given me at least one tetanus shot in the last two years and they were like "Oh, it says here we gave you one."
BVU wants my health records and guess what is missing. SONOFABITCH I HAVE TO GET ANOTHER ONE! MOTHERFUCKER.
2. Paula Keeler
I have to take choir for one more semester, to total 6 semesters of choir. This lady is so irritating! She claps at us like we are three. She stomps her feet at us, she snaps the time while conducting. She also reprimanded me today for yelling her name, which I suppose it was a little rude because I snapped and shouted "Over here!" But some poor new girl had been trying to get her attention for 10 minutes! It was ridiculous, so I took care of it. But the way she did it was like I was a dirty little five year old. I wanted to get up and leave right then.
Thank god I only have one semester of choir with her.
3. I am never going to get to go to Europe.
My whole college career (going on 6 years now) I have desperately wanted to go to Europe but I just have to face it...It's not gonna happen. If I were to do a semester abroad it would mean 2 1/2-3 years at BV. Which right now, I am not willing to consider. Maybe after I have been here a while, though I seriously doubt it. I mean I've come to terms with two years, but I can't do more.
Besides the fact that I will have been in college SEVEN years before I actually graduate as it is. I already feel like a fool. Most people take 4 or 5 years. I've almost doubled the norm.
There are more but I can't think of them just now...So whatever.
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| Ok, so...where do i begin?
I've been in school for two weeks, and I just feel...unexcited. I mean there are aspects about it that I am happy about...I am now on the community's Gallery Board, and I get to help prepare the school's gallery for shows, but I feel like I just want it all to be over. (Not like, I want life to be over, but the college experience)
But can you blame me? I mean, Jesus, this is my sixth year in college...SIXTH! And I don't even have a degree. I feel like a failure. And when I talk to people I completely gloss over this fact. I am not only an failure, I am a liar.
Also you would think after six years in college I would have some...superior intelligence, but I just feel stupid - mostly because I'm 23 surrounded by 18 year-olds.
Another thing is, it is impossible for me to block out all my stupid past mistakes. Like I am falling asleep and Diego, or Jake, or Josh, or Alvin, or Cameron just pops into my head basically screaming "Look at how stupid you are."
I've also been randomly thinking about the rape, and the word no longer makes my skin crawl and I don't think about the details anymore either. I've come to the conclusion that none of it matters, my choices afterward are what matters and quite obviously I made some pretty bad decisions. I pretty much turned pshychotic for a while, and that makes me sick too.
I have two years here. I am going to do everything I want and come out on the other side better. And maybe the summer after I can go back to IDub and do like two courses and get two damn Associate Degrees. Wouldn't that be nice? A Bachelor's and two Associate's in one year, the span of 4 months?
Not to be pessimistic, but I bet IDub would make me take a whole fuckin' semester of classes to finish. Oh well.
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